Open letter

Dear Tara Reid,

I am writing in response to your open call for a boyfriend on the Ellen DeGeneres' show.

You must be asking yourself why you should pick me. In fact, I too, am asking that question. See? We’re already so in tune with each other. Let me count the ways.

First, you like to dance on tables when you’re drunk, and I am sure I’ll love to see you dance on tables when you’re piss drunk.
Second, you have a lot of money (well, compared to me anyways), and I love money, um, I mean you.
Last, but not least, I have 2 words. Micro. Dick. Intrigued?

Since we’ll be spending a lot of time together in the future spending your money, flying around in your jet, I think it’s only fair that I tell you a bit about myself.

I am 26 yrs old programmer (yes, I’m a dork) and I live alone with my cat. I have $245.32 in my bank account, but hey, true lust is blind to all these facts, right?

Have your people call my people and we’ll set it up, ok?

Sincerely,
Ed

Ps. Can I borrow $20 for lunch tomorrow? Thanks, girl.