once again

i'm haunted by insomnia.

here i am, sitting on the front steps, tired and dizzy, yet unable to doze off. random thoughts float through my mind, just like the handfull of hairball on my floor inside.

it's quiet out here at this time of night. just me, a cigarette, and the glow of my laptop screen. peaceful, but nothing that can lull me to sleep.

4 more days till unemployment. reality, along with "what the fuck did you get yourself into" is finally hitting home. the bravado of "yeah, i'm qutting to find what i want" is fading. fast. in it's place stands the question of monetary concerns and more pressing matters.

the journey of finding oneself isn't easy, is it? i look around at others, and some just seem to know what they want out of life, what path to is for them. i'm still looking. i need that answer. just one.

is that too much to ask?

the cursor blinks away onscreen, awaiting input. maybe i should stop waiting for the answer to magically appear onscreen and start typing.