conflict resolution

these days, all you hear on the news is war, conflict, bloodshed, hatred. as humans of all shapes, sizes, and color, it's fucking embarassing that we've sunk to this. people are selfish, afterall. each for their own, i suppose.

i refuse to believe that we, mankind, are only capable of so little. cynical as i am, i refuse to believe that. plus, fucking gas prices are killing me.

so, i took it upon myself to save mankind. and here, a fish puke exclusive, i'm glad to announce that after extensive research, i've come to one simple, obvious conclusion.

kofi annan, move aside.

jimmy carter, step.

enter steven seagal.

in every single straight to video movies of his, he saves the world, disabling nuclear (or nuculear, according to bush) weapons, rushes into burning houses to save the kids, dog, cat and parrot. shit, he's even a trained chef in one of his movies.

ok, so i've watched a lot of his stupid retarded movies. i know it's going to suck, but still, somehow i end up renting it. but think about it seriously for a sec. how can you go wrong with that? send him to the middle east, and everyone will stop the madness just to get rid of his pony tailed face.

do i pick up the nobel peace prize now, or will they send it to my house?