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Thursday, October 28, 2004

stuck

feel like i'm stuck. not really moving forward in any aspects of life. labor through the days, but the weeks, months seem to fly by without pause. things are still as they were a week, a month, a yr ago.

life is flat lined right now. just going through the daily motions. no real direction, no real goal, no real passion. at my age, i should have already gotten some sense of direction in life, but no, i still feel like a fucking college kid, living day to day, waiting to get out to the real world. only i'm already in the fucking real world.

i need some motivation. need something to inspire me. need a change of scenery. need to find a passion. fuck if i know what i need.

god damn it. i'm fucking dying inside.

2 Comments:

Blogger lb said...

The idea of change is scary but equally as frightening is having your insides die as well. I relate to your non-descript journey towards a destination unknown. It's disheartening to self-diagnose finding that you are empty and are searching for something more grand than who you are right now. Then the question comes, "what is my purpose?" No one person can give you an answer; it is inside us all, the reason. We need only to search within ourselves to find the answer we've been looking for.

The spark we all long for does not start in the real world or any other world. It is a matter of being happy with what you are, who you are, and knowing that your life has not been wasted. Most I believe would perish without knowing their purpose but if they were happy, and then their legacy will live on. People can look back and see clearly that this person’s life’s work did make a mark without that person knowing it. Humbly accepting what is. That, my friend is our purpose: to leave a mark in the world though unconsciously making it. Having touched lives, looking beyond ourselves, and understanding that we are but a speck in this world and whatever change we contribute, does matter however small it may be. It's with the attitude there lies being content with your reality. If however, the present does not bring you joy, then turn towards the known and the uncomfortable. Jump into the void and see where it leads. Maybe then, the path to your happiness would be revealed and so you would be rejuvenated and see the world with a different set of eyes and find it wonderful, rather than the mundane that you feel. Life has yet to finish its masterpiece and time is its keeper. We are but a guest to pen in a verse, a line, a word.

I share the same emotions and discontent. I do wish you a life's journey that will lead you to a place where you would be happy and motivated to make your mark or contribute a verse to the world's everlasting poem.

October 29, 2004 2:29 PM

 
Blogger uvegotmail said...

Hey, she certainly had a lot to say!!! All I can say is, that the bit about touching people's lives is true - you've touched mine, and I never said before, but you got me through a point in my life when I felt so insecure and depressed, especially in the evenings, but you were always there to talk to, and take my mind off everything, and you still are. xxx

October 31, 2004 6:25 PM

 

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