morning shave

don't ever shave without being able to clearly see your face.

i didn't have my glasses on this morning, and for some reason i started shaving before i put my contacts in. that means i was probably more blind than one of those massage parlor peeps when i started shaving. and no, you sadistic fucks, i didn't slice my artery open and bleed to death. anyways, i'm squinting my slanted chinese eyes, barely able to see where i'm shaving. i labor through it, and when i'm done i think to myself, not bad, kid.

40 minutes later, i'm getting off my exit from the beltway. i stop at the light and take a look at my face in the rearview mirror, making sure that there's no eyeshit on my face when i realized that i look like i got a shave from a blind man. there's isolated patches of hair all over my face. fucky fuck.

does anyone have scissors?