remnants of events past

I made it through the first few days alright. Still wading in the puddle of self pity, but the water is starting to retreat now. I guess this is the lowest of the lows. I knew that this would be inevitable, but never could i imagine the magnitude of this pain. The loneliness, the hollowness; it just eats you inside, never satisfied. The feeling of worthlessness, the pain of being alone. After experiencing the highest of the highs, it's only right that i go through the deepest of the pit.
- Feb 17, 1999

there's this whole set of folders buried deep inside my thinkpad that i wasn't aware of. things that i thought were long gone beyond retrieval were well and alive there. pictures, confessions, fiction, feelings, emotions.

it's quite an out of body experience, reading your old thoughts and feelings. you almost feel detached, but then once in a while, you feel a slight twinge, and you realize that these feelings were indeed once yours.

you see the L word sprinkled throughout the contents of the files, and you wonder where it all went. you feel the intense emotions, read the emphatic words, and you can only shake your head in pity for what was once reality is now only an old memory.