i smell trouble

so i faxed in that stuff.

after procrastinating for months and months, i finally did it.  with blind faith and no research, i decided to finally commit.  ouch.  blimpie flashback, anyone?  this almost reminds me of how i choose stocks.  pure instincts, no research.  i seem to think that i can fucking will it to go the way i want it to.  only i don’t have any control in this once i’m in.

it almost doesn’t seem real, playing with equity.  it’s just numbers.  you don’t feel the weight of the money.  once in a while, you’ll have a moment of clarity and put things in perspective, only to realize that you’re playing with a somewhat significant amount of money.  but then that moment never lasts, and you forget it as easily as you take a breath.

funny how some poor fuck like me can play around with paper money and have so many chances to get in trouble.

oh, i’m in so much fucking trouble.