30 seconds

it was probably 6:30 or so.

the sun was long gone for the day, and i was on the last leg of my commute home. the drive home is short, usually not more than 10 minutes, barely enough time for me to feel the effects of the seat warmers in the car.

i was in the right lane, probably going around 50 mph. a minivan was in front of me, and i didn't feel like overtaking it just to get home a few second earlier.

i see this blur come from the left shoulder of the road. the minivan in front brakes, but it's too late. the blur and the front left bumper of the minivan connect. the blur spins around and under the wheels. part of the bumper breaks off. bits and pieces of plastic, wire and flesh come flying at me.

i swerve left, avoiding the big pieces, but at that speed, i can't avoid it all. i hear a few things hit the windshield, thankfully nothing breaks. after a few seconds, the minivan pulls off to the right shoulder and stops, no doubt shaken.

i slow down, gather myself, and drive home slowly.

it's been a few hours now, and honestly, i still can't fully grasp how i feel. it's the first time i've ever seen death up close. maybe i'm in shock? sadness, loss, bemoaning how humans overtake nature, imminent death of those around me, parents, dandan. talk about a whole fucking mixture of emotions.

it's fucked up, i'm telling you. fucked up.