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Monday, September 18, 2006

perpetual downward spiral

you know the story of how a little pebble on top of the mountain, when rolled down, gathers snow and becomes a giant boulder that kills your bank account?

and that is how i'm sitting here listening to the scuba radio podcast on my new ipod nano (which i swore on my left nut that i would not buy), making it doubly hard for me to not quit my job, fly out to cozumel, work as a gigolo and dive dive dive dive dive.

best buy is evil.

Friday, September 08, 2006

1 gb and 3 days

of digital photos later, i've come to the realization that i fucking suck at taking pictures underwater.

preliminary examination shows the following breakdown:
- 70% of the pics were an homage to van gogh's blue period. if i looked at those pictures any longer, i'd cut my own ear off too.

- 29.9% were out of focus, blurry pics. it's almost like looking at the underwater life when you're on acid. colors running everywhere.

- 0.1% were not sucky pictures. and i use the description "not sucky" very very loosely. lindsay lohan loose.

so it seems that i spent almost $200 on my underwater camera housing just to prove that i totally suck at it. it's just like taking the SATs again.

why pay money just to prove you suck donkey balls?

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Thursday, September 07, 2006

nursery rhyme

well well, fuckity fuckity fuck
guess who's tangled in all this muck?
shit, it might get ugly, with my luck
but me, i'm dumb as a duck

so let's play with this shit
maybe for someone it'd fit
but get real, dude, look at the market
lots of peeps are gonna say fuck-it

but stubborn, maybe stupid me
oh condo, why did i agree to buy thee
and now shit's up to my knee
ok, i'll stop now, 'cause i got to go pee-pee.

anyone want a condo?

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

vocab lesson #1

what's the difference between sad and depressed?

depressed is when one comes back to work after 5 days of mind numbing fun. so much fun that one’s measly pea sized brain temporarily forgot all the hustle, bustle and shit that resides in it during the normal day.

sad is when one sits here at work, hating the fact that the pictures and videos are not accessible, and has to resort to scrolling through the dive computer to reminisce about the good times.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006


when people find out how fucking obsessed i am with the cat, they tend to say "but it's only a pet". that's when i want to rip their heads off, take a dump in the mouth and spit on them.

i mean, it's only a pet? fuck you.

i love the furball, and the furball, suprisingly, actually likes me from time to time.

and yells at me after i come back from a long weekend. i mean, he went on a five minute concert sitting on the bed, looking at me.

and that is why i love my fucking cat. maybe even more so than you, stupid humans.