3 years

a whole lot of stuff has happened since i last saw you, hasn't it?

remember virginia beach? nyc? dandan and bibi? the stupid jump/go/back drinking game? good times were had by all.

sure, we laugh and joke now, but it's not the same anymore, is it? underneath it all, there lies the remains of what used to be.

i wonder if we'll ever sit across from each other again.

lazy morning in bed

watching dandan watch the shadows of leaves dance.

unemployment does have its perks.

weekly plan

the first week of unemployment turned out as expected : a whole bunch of late nights and mornings just because i can, plus a whole truckload of inefficient nothingness.

tomorrow (well, today, i reckon) marks the second week, and it's time to start being slightly productive. i am, afterall, not in early retirement.

so here's hoping for a week full of job submissions, birdies and waking up before noon.

fuck you, J. K. Rowling

if i wanted sad, depressing shit, i'd just watch the nightly news.

yes, i'm obsessed with the cat

i feel like an 80 yr old cat lady with 50 stray cats.
i guess this kinda explains why i'm still single.

fuel costs : $35.00

toll fees : $15.00

staying up 36 hours, going to Atlantic City during a weekday, not losing all your money, and not having to worry about work : priceless

waking up the next day and realizing that you're too old for shit like this : shut the fuck up.

this is my cat

sigh.

he belongs to me. what did you expect?

so it begins

first interview scheduled for thursday.

don't fuck it up, ed.

tattoo story #2

i don't really remember the exact date or year, actually.

all i know is that it was a few months after valentines day. the day the first girl that i loved broke my heart.

i spent months moping around, hoping that the pain would go away, but somehow, everything around me seemed to amplify it.

so logically, i decided to get a tattoo.

tattoo of what, you ask. of course i'm not stupid enough to tattoo her name on me. get real. i'm not a retard. i only got her initials. shut up.

so i waltzed into the same tattoo parlor i got my first ink done, chose a font, and had them tattoo 2 characters on my left bicep.

SC

maybe i over-romanticied the idea of the end of that relationship. maybe i wanted it to mean more that it really did. maybe that's what stupid guys who get their hearts ripped out do. i really have no sound explanation for it.

it's significance to me has changed over the years. i don't even look at it now. it's a part of me (at least until tattoo removals become cheaper) that i've made peace with.

who could predict that this was the beginning of a trend?

once again

i'm haunted by insomnia.

here i am, sitting on the front steps, tired and dizzy, yet unable to doze off. random thoughts float through my mind, just like the handfull of hairball on my floor inside.

it's quiet out here at this time of night. just me, a cigarette, and the glow of my laptop screen. peaceful, but nothing that can lull me to sleep.

4 more days till unemployment. reality, along with "what the fuck did you get yourself into" is finally hitting home. the bravado of "yeah, i'm qutting to find what i want" is fading. fast. in it's place stands the question of monetary concerns and more pressing matters.

the journey of finding oneself isn't easy, is it? i look around at others, and some just seem to know what they want out of life, what path to is for them. i'm still looking. i need that answer. just one.

is that too much to ask?

the cursor blinks away onscreen, awaiting input. maybe i should stop waiting for the answer to magically appear onscreen and start typing.

london

a group laid claim to the bombings on thursday.

Secret Organization group al Qaeda Organization in Europe

are you fucking kidding me? that's the group's name? there has to be something that was lost in the translation.

i mean, if you were going to wreak havoc on the world, wouldn't you come up with a better name for your group? what kind of fucking idiots came up with that?

i can totally imagine the naming meeting:

"i don't think al Qaeda's good enough. we need to impress upon the public that we're a secret organization. and that we are the european arm, not to be confused with the other secret al Qaeda organizations not based in europe."

fucking retards.

tattoo story #1

it was the summer before college started. grey fluff was going to california. tattoos were cool (so 90's). we decided that we should be cool.

so we found an old chinese dictionary at his aunt's house, and because we were just creative geniuses, we looked up our last names and decided to get that. come on, we were 18 yr old dorks. gimme a break.

he was leaving that day in the afternoon, so we got there to the tattoo parlor right when it opened. 10 or 11 in the morning, i believe.

we went in, showed the dude what we wanted, and watched them enlarge the character, then transfer the outline onto our bodies. mine was on my left ankle, his on his left (maybe right. memories fade, you know) arm.

30 minutes after that, we walked out with our first tattoos.

2 hours later, he kissed his girlfriend goodbye, gave me a nod, and boarded a plane to california.

tick tock

tick.

i stare at the ceiling. the cat's sleeping at my side, purring and stretching from time to time. i wish i could sleep like him at this point.

tock.

i can't sleep. things are on my mind. a whole lot of it. funny how i thought changing a car and quitting my job would be therepeutic. if only i didn't need to sell my old car and find a new job, i reckon.

tick.

it's cold. let me cover up my legs.

tock.

it's hot. fuck the blanket.

tick.

stop thinking. just keep on repeating "nothing" until you fall asleep. nothing. nothing. nothing. hm...lunch was ok today. nothing. nothing. shit, i have to take care of this tomorrow. nothing. nothing. nothing.

tock.

ok, that didn't work. and the sheep counting trick? urban fucking myth. it doesn't work, i tell ya.

tick.

fuck. it's light out already? time to go to work.

tock.

i call this masterpiece

cat with eyes closed

my new toy

i steal

lightning struck.

really.

the fire sensor thingie's busted. it wouldn't shut up, so i had to disconnect it.

my laptop's ac adapter's not working anymore. thank the higher powers that i actually have a second ac adapter, or else i'd be shit out of luck right now.

worst thing? my wireless router's busted too. not sure if it's the ac adapter that's busted, or it's the router itself. fuck.

thus, i am using/stealing the neighbour's wireless connection. should i just go ahead and cancel my internet service?