anxiety

1st stage is set for Tuesday, 2nd stage set for Friday for a grand total of three hours. it’s the same routine, i suppose, but the stakes seem so much higher this time. in a sense, it is. i’m reaching for more, and i need to deliver more.

can i? now that’s the big question now, isn’t it? am i really worth what i’m asking, or am i just trying to land this big scam? a lot of times i feel like i don’t know much, but somehow i’ve managed to finagle my way to this point. maybe that in itself is worth something.

my fucking hands are getting clammy just thinking about it.

and you don’t stop

cause you can’t stop.

i brought in another box of kashi cereal to work.

yes i did. even after the premature trashing of the previous box due to rats making sweet sweet love to it, i have decided that i can’t just sit there and not eat cereal ever again at work. i mean, sure they have like 10 gazibillion diseases they spread, but i have opposable thumbs and a strange lump on my skin. i am better than them rats.

so box #2 has been rat proof’d. at least i hope it’s been. i ain’t no rat expert, son. Armed with a different storage spot and 3 rubber bands, i am playing cereal hide and seek with the rats. They'll get to my crunchy kashi over my dead, lard filled body.

what the fuck has my life become?