eventually, i learn my shit

just a quick update.

thanks to a couple of online tutorials, i've learnt how to balance a chemical equation.

geez. how the fuck did i not learn this easy shit when i was in school?

chem 101

so i took chemistry in high school, and then took it again in college to satisfy the lab requirement.

i still don't know how to balance a chemical equation. isn't that crazy? 2 whole semesters of chemistry and i still do not know the most fundamental skill of chemistry.

talk about coasting through college. it's a miracle i actually graduated.

i passed both those chemistry classes, by the way.

i think i smell

i've gotten so bored at work that i'm looking for random people to chat with online. i've primarily used icq to get random chat partners.

the repetition of it all has trained me to just scan for gender in order to save time. if it's female, then i'll send a hello : beggars can't be choosers, right? plus, i'm just chatting, not proposing.

i'm not sure if it's trillian's interface with icq, or i'm too stalker-like, but the reply rate so far has been quite disappointing. it's probably 1 out of 20, 30 hello messages that i send. so far, only 3 have replied.

the first one was quite polite, yet unnervingly uninterested. i thought i was bothering her, but she said i wasn't. the whole conversation went something like the following

me: i'm bored. care to chat?
her: sure
me: so what're you doing on?
her: listening to music.
me: do you go to school?
her: no
me: so blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
her: ok
me: abcdefghijklmnop
her: yes
me: you fuck dogs and like sheep
her: ok

i mean, if you don't wanna chat, just ignore me. why reply when you really don't wanna chat?

the second girl turned out to be a dude, i think.

started chitchatting with the 3rd girl for a bit, sounded normal. then she logged off.

i smell. it has to be it.

lost opportunities

this has got to be the longest pms period for a man ever recorded.

i might as well be sedated. the urge to go out and do something, interact with anything has greatly diminished : for those who know me, you know how alarming that is. i'm not even talking to my cat as much anymore.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, I am scared of the hollowness and emptiness of my life; as if all I have to look forward to from now on is but a dark screen, waiting for death to claim me. I think at my past and rue the opportunites that have gone by, waiting for me to put my hand out to grab it; all whilst i was day dreaming of things of no substance.

I had wanted to compromise with Fate: to escape occasional great agonies by submitting to a whole life of privation and small pains.
-Villette by Charlotte Bronte

it could very well be that I entered into a pact with Fate (not fat) with similar stipulations. A life of uneventful peacefulness in exchange for one of immense ups and downs. Maybe it was well worth it at that time; maybe i just do not remember what the tremendous downs feel like.

maybe i'll wake up tomorrow

a

let's review, class.

wednesday, had lunch at 1:30pm. no dinner.
thursday, had cup of coffee in the morning. no lunch. a slice of pound cake in the afternoon. an apple for dinner.

i'm not starving myself. i'm just not hungry.

all my hair (whatever's left of it) will be gone soon because of lack of nutrition, i think.

lost

feelings have settled
regained sanity i have
i wish i were lost

fall

maybe it was the crisp cool fall air, maybe it was a full moon, or maybe, just maybe it was a squirrel shitting from the wrong tree. sarcasm and cynicism gave way to optimism and hope yesterday. somebody hold me, i’m scared.

it felt good though. Change of emotions, even just for a short period of time. recharged me to a certain extent.

it's a good day.

go with it

i think it's about time i just go with it.

we'll see how it turns out.

let's all join in prayer for ed, in hopes for great successes.

V

i was surfing through the newly updated blogs on xanga.com, checking out for females to stalk, when suddenly a few profound revelations came upon me.

1) most of bloggers on there were born in the 80's. Not early 80's either. That makes them um, teenagers at most. time sure flies, doesn't it?

2) apparantly the "holding up your index and middle finger to form a victory sign so that you can pretend to be cool in a picture" phase didn't die out in the nineties as i thought so. as shown here and here

nutty

i know i should not
yet i cannot help myself
is driving me nuts

me

me in a nutshell, according to a friend.

this is my friend Ed, he is an introvert who has commitment issues and he does not like any social situations.

um. um.

fuck you.

history lesson

used to wear stussy and mossimo.
used to listen to Nirvana, Smashing Pumpkins, Guns N Roses.
used to type out full sentences instead of "lol, neway, gotta go to skool. l8r. ttyl. xoxox"

i'm not old.
i'm about to become extinct.

i'm so funny

i came up with the following joke yesterday.

why did the chicken cross the street?
so it could bitch slap whoever was telling knock knock jokes.

thank you very much for your applause, ladies and gentleman. I'll be here all week. please tip your waitress.

stereotypes

leave the kungfu to asians.

someone kick me. i can't stop laughing.

oh, and never leave your stuff behind.

peach fuzz?

speaking of hair cuts (thanks for bringing it up, billy), i'm contemplating buzzing my hair off. not that i want to get the menacing look or anything. i'm just sick of dealing with hair. plus, it doesn't really help when i know i'm losing hair anyways.

i just can't make up my mind which one's better. a balding freak or a peach fuzz freak?

to peach fuzz or not to peach fuzz. that is the question.

google ads

so i decided to put some google ads up on my blog. i mean, with the huge readership my retarded blog generates, i would be stupid not to cash in with this revenue stream.

i'm tempted to click on the ads myself, but alas, it's against the rules, so i shall not do so. but i keep on refreshing the page to see what ads show up.

there's this ad that keeps on popping up. The title is "Get Paid to Lose Weight". Under that, the text says "Look and feel better. More energy. Natural and Dr. Recommended". It lists the url www.WeLoveOurDiet.com at the end.

i believe that google is trying to tell me something. something like "yo, fat ass! lookie here. you so fat you only get diet ads. No normal ads for you, fatboy"

fuck you, i'm not paranoid.

let's barter

so i need a favor. do this

do this, and i'll send you a naked picture of my cat.

ok?
deal.

i'm a cheap SOB.

i never tip at starbucks.

free the kids

according to this, 2-3% of kids who take anti-depressants end up having suicidal thought because of the medication they're taking. so in other words, drugs that are supposed to help them view the world as a better place is making them go nuts.

maybe parents will now think twice before putting their kids on these magic pills. i think back to my childhood, and i'm not quite sure it would've been as much fun without being depressed, sad, and pissed off at the world.

afterall, i did turn out alright.

um, nevermind.

rearview mirror

he was driving, with her in the passenger seat. he was wearing a pair of sunglasses. she had red hair. he had short dark hair.

he was acting goofy, apparently dancing to the music playing on the radio. he took her hand and playfully bit on her finger. she said "Ow" with a smile. she leaned towards him with mock anger. for a split second, no words were said, but everything was clear by the way they looked into each other's eyes.

both smiled. he continued his goofy behavior, she turned, grabbed a CD from the backseat and put it into the head unit. soon after, both of them started to bob their heads to the music.

i look to my right, and i see an empty seat. i keep on staring at them through my rearview mirror.

oh, the humanity

my fantasy football team is horrible.

my starting QB is tim rattay of the 49ers. good lord. i'm gonna get eaten alive this season again.
but hey, as long as the redskins win, i'm good.

life is boring.

ambushed at work