snow dance worked

snow day for me today. too bad my coworkers don't get to see my diamond studded thong though. oh well. it was too hot for them anyways, not sure they can handle the heat.

it's not even snowing outside and i have a snow day. just because of the threat of snow and i get the day off. the dc area really is amazingly useless when it comes to dealing with snow. an inch of snow in the forecast and people are raiding the grocery stores, stocking up on 10 loaves of bread and stuff. crazy people.

ok, i'm off to starbucks for a cup of cofee and maybe go shopping a bit.

have fun at work, all you suckers.

it'd better be a snow day tomorrow

or i'm wearing a a thong to work tomorrow.

nothing but a thong.

weekend

friday after work.


sunday morning


sometime in between

ugh, bug's biting again

have an urge to get an ipod again. ugh.

http://www.freeiPods.com/?r=9088993

help me before i actually plunk down and spend cash on an ipod. someone do it!!! 2 more!!!

i'll even pose in a thong for you.

3.14285714

sim pohann

we went to the same school from 7th grade all the way to 10th grade. cool guy. ladies man, so to speak. i remember him using those oil blotting papers on his face in the bathroom between classes, just to look good for the girls.

he was into skateboards too, i remember. the first time i went back to malaysia after i came to the states i went to pacific sunwear and bought a whole bunch of skate shirts that were on sale. i sold the whole lot to him with a little bit tacked on top of it and used the profits as spending money in malaysia.

that was in the summer of 96. apparently less than 2 yrs later he memorized and spit out 67000 numbers.

wonder what happened to him that made him do such a thing.

day after snow day rant

- stop asking for email receipts for every single email they send out. it’s not even an important email. it’s an email telling us that someone’s going to be late. do you really need to verify that we read that email? repeat after me: i will only ask for email receipts when i send something important or i'll give ed $10 for every useless email that i ask for a receipt.

- for the past yr, i’ve given money to a wedding thing, 2 baby showers, a farewell party at work. at least. it feels like more, but those are the only ones i can remember. as a single person, this sucks. i mean, there’s really no chance for me to get anything back in return. i need to get married and have like 10 kids to recoup what i gave out. and why the fuck am i giving money to a co-worker who’s leaving? can i get a "ed's still single" party with a giftcard to a strip joint?

see ya, suckas

the alarm rang, and i was exhausted. stayed in bed, listening to the radio, hoping that it was announced that work was a no-go today. nothing.

i get out of bed, peek outside teh window. fuck. no snow on the roads, only on the grass. i'm fucked. well, gotta get ready for work, i guess.

but of course, my laziness knows no bounds, so i booted up the laptop, hoping to get better news online.

what do you know, my persistence paid off. first snow day of the year, bitches and hos. i was exhausted earlier, but now i feel like i can go run a couple miles. it's strange how snow days affect you. is there any better feeling that a snow day?

gonna go back to my hibernation and dream happy dreams now.

later, suckas.

soul searching episode

i'm back from lunch, and i decide to browse through myspace, just to see if there's any hot chicks.

one immediately catches my eyes, so i click on her profile for a closer look. hmm..bigger picture. not bad. age : 27. cool.

i then go on to read her profile. blah blah blah transgender blah blah. i did a double take. WTF? what is transgender? a dude that became a chick? holy crap. so immediately my mind goes to work, and the internal debate mechanism is kicked into high gear.

does that mean i'm attracted to dudes? or ex-dudes?
no, it can't be.
i still like chicks. only chicks.
yes, that must be it.
ok.
good.
whoo, that was a close call.

i did look at more of her photos after, though, since i'm so very secure with my own sexuality.

yes, i know i'm obsessed with the cat

joke time, ladies and gents

Paris named her breasts
pairs hotits.


NotFunnyGuy strikes again.

I shall refrain from voicing my opinion on this joke. The audience shall decide once and for all if the joke's funny, so please leave a comment.

don't hold back.

i’m a nice person in the mornings

that is, until you try to interact with me.

you won’t even need to speak to set me off. just look like you’re going to speak to me, and i feel this monster of annoyance and disgust rise inside me, its intensity doubling with every closer step that you take. When you open your mouth and start to yap, i just about reached my boiling point and i start to fantasize about bashing your ugly face in, but i force myself to think about happy things, like unicorns and strippers. i proceed to say some patronizing shit, hoping to get you out of my face as soon as possible, before unicorns and strippers loses its effects on me. then i just turn around and walk away, leaving you to continue the conversation with my pimply ass.

I’m such a very nice person in the mornings.

dental hygiene

is important, but do you really need to gargle with every sip of water you take? it's water, not listerine, you freak.

god, i hope i don't turn out like that in 20 yrs time.

what a wonderful world

I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world

tax tax tax tax tax tax tax tax tax tax

i've been sitting here for the past 30 minutes, with the taxcut software piled next to my laptop.

i want to get it done, because i'm getting money back, but i don't want to deal with the rebates, the hunting down forms etc. i'm such a lazy motherfucker.

i'm like an ostrich, sticking my head in the sand and trying to wish the problem away.

i have beautiful hands

breakdown palace

wow.

i think i just had my first meltdown at work.

just felt totally frustrated, and i could feel myself regress back to childlike behavior, almost like i was sulking. and i let myself go too.

not good. had to step away for a couple minutes and chill out.

i've learnt my lesson. i'm never going to work again at work.

i'm a model employee

i was late this morning to the staff meeting.

not my fucking fault though. i timed it so that i would get here with 5 minutes to spare. but of course, there had to be an overturned SUV causing a huge traffic backup.

at first, i was patient. oh sure, i’ve got enough time to sit here and wait. i’m still 15 minutes early, and i’m just one exit away. well, next thing i know i’m 5 mins late and i’ve barely moved. so i swerve onto the shoulder, floor the car, and while i’m passing others in their car, i scream at them, cussing them out for causing me to be late.

i was late by 15 minutes.

again.

fuck.

office politics

so the power went out at the office during the weekend.

the kitchen has now been officially declared a biohazardous zone. the fridge is starting to produce their own population of moldy citizens.

we pretty much ignored the problem yesterday, hoping that someone else would take the initiative and clean that shit up. no such luck.

today someone sent out an email titled "BAD SMELL COMING FROM THE FRIDGE", encouraging people to clean their stuff out of the fridge. um, yeah right.

let's see which sucker breaks down first and cleans the shit out.

to all those fortunate ones out there

happy valentines day.

have fun with whoever you're with doing whatever it is you have planned.

just don't choke on the food.

excuse me, waitress

i'll have an order of eva mendes please. thanks.

royalty

so Charles is finally marrying Camilla.

i was reading various reports about their marriage, about them knowing each other at 20's and now, finally after a whole bunch of stuff in between, marrying in their 50's. oh, and who can forget the taped conversation where charles wished that he were a tampon living in camilla's underwear?

see? the royalty are just as perverted as you and i.

snapshot

listening to :
- katie melua
- tricky
- mc solaar

last movie watched :
- the clearing

current positions:
- appl
- ascl
- av
- exas
- glow
- mo
- msft

last book read:
- State of Fear by Michael Crichton

walk a mile in my shoes

or rather drive a mile of my commute, and you'll feel despair like no other. all the rats trying to outrush each other home.

in the first couple years, i used to curse them all, but now i've mellowed. i just sit there, numb to it all. talk on the phone, pick my nose, pop a pimple, flash some cute chick.

what's the fucking rush, right?

forecast

Horse

You’re in luck if you’re in the entertainment business this year. Your personal charm may win many hearts and your admirers will help you achieve your goals.

Luck will be smiling on you but money comes and goes easily. You will spend a lot of money on the opposite sex.

If you are 28, you will enjoy a good chance of meeting a partner or getting married. Those of you who are 40 or 52 especially, should refrain from having extra-marital relationships.

found this horoscope on a malaysian newspaper. how interesting. i'm not in the entertainment business, so i guess i'm outta luck there. money comes and goes easily, that i already know. spend a lot of money on the opposite sex? how much do hookers cost these days? not 28 or 40 or 52, so i guess i'm safe from all those hazards.

that whole thing didn't tell me shit, did it?

all the single people are dead

in the eyes of advertisers in february.

all day long, on the radio, it's ads trying to convince guys to buy stuff for their girls. oh, buy this 10 carat diamond ring and you'll get laid. or buy a pearl necklace and you'll get to porn star style her tonight. it's as if everyone's paired off, lovely dovey, happily ever after, etc.

blah blah blah.

what about us single fucks?

i feel so discriminated against.

Dear motherfucker

Dear motherfucker who busted my car window,

how are you? i hope you are fine. scratch that. i hope that when you broke the window, glass splinters kicked back at you and got into your eye. I am not bitter. not at all.

why did you break my window? did you want the 2 day old coffee sitting there? or was it the pile of old newspapers that attracted you? probably not the newspaper, since i doubt you can actually read at all. maybe you just wanted to look at the pictures. I don't know. you should've just left a note. i would've gladly donated a picture book to you.

in your infinite wisdom, you didn't take my cds sitting in plain view on the passenger seat, or my wallet and cell phone in the center console, or my shoes at the bottom of the passenger seat, or my golf clubs in the trunk. in fact, come to think of it, you didn't get shit, did you? what a fucking retard. i guess i should thank you. or maybe your mom for dropping you on your head when you were a baby.

well, i hope you are happy now that you've busted a stranger's window. a window of a car sitting in an elementary school, no less. can you go any lower? all the babies in strollers with milk bottles had better watch out. there's no telling with you, i suppose.

i will never know who you are or what you're thinking, but just remember, karma's a bitch. i am pretty much a walking testament of that.

sincerely not bitter (not at all. really),
Ed

black? i think not

The weather forecast called for a wonderful day today. Highs in the 50’s.

So I decide to forgo my usual thick jacket and go for the new one I bought a couple weeks ago. I decided to wear a black sweater to go with the new jacket, just so I’ll look like, super cool and stuff, you know.

I walk into work, all confident. “hey, how’s it going?” you know, the usual shit talk you throw around at work. See a couple of glances at my jacket, and I think I’m the shit.

I get to my desk, and I’m taking off my jacket. I realize I was mistaken. It’s not a black jacket. It’s a fucking cat hair jacket.

Cat owners should not have black stuff in their wardrobe.

When Moments, Become Memories

I have fallen off the cushions, of this couch, and in his shadow I shall tread. He is laziness.

It is now half past nine and I have given up all hope of being productive. I am haunted by my laziness and stupidity. My body aches and my eyes burn from lack of sleep. Yet, my mind grants me no reprieve. I am a Web Monkey. In the eerie darkness, of the room, I am in Oz. With only a retarded coworker as my companion, I search for a wizard. A wizard that will grant me freedom. With a passing light the darkness is broken, but it encroaches once again.

Open letter

Dear Tara Reid,

I am writing in response to your open call for a boyfriend on the Ellen DeGeneres' show.

You must be asking yourself why you should pick me. In fact, I too, am asking that question. See? We’re already so in tune with each other. Let me count the ways.

First, you like to dance on tables when you’re drunk, and I am sure I’ll love to see you dance on tables when you’re piss drunk.
Second, you have a lot of money (well, compared to me anyways), and I love money, um, I mean you.
Last, but not least, I have 2 words. Micro. Dick. Intrigued?

Since we’ll be spending a lot of time together in the future spending your money, flying around in your jet, I think it’s only fair that I tell you a bit about myself.

I am 26 yrs old programmer (yes, I’m a dork) and I live alone with my cat. I have $245.32 in my bank account, but hey, true lust is blind to all these facts, right?

Have your people call my people and we’ll set it up, ok?

Sincerely,
Ed

Ps. Can I borrow $20 for lunch tomorrow? Thanks, girl.

i'm such a safe driver

on the way home, decided to take a picture.

rolled down the window, one eye on the road.
left hand on camera, right hand on the wheel.

i'm just a car accident waiting to happen.

third world countries

According to nations online,
first world countries are “developed, capitalist, industrial countries, roughly, a bloc of countries aligned with the United States with more or less common political and economic interests”.

Second world countries are “former communist-socialist, industrial states, (formerly the Eastern bloc, the territory and sphere of influence of the Union of Soviet Socialists Republic)”

And a third world country is one that doesn’t fit the two previous definitions.

Um, that’s it? No gdp calculations? No per capita income criteria? If you’re industrial and you agree with the US, you’re a first world country? If you don't and you're not Eastern bloc, you're automatically third world?

What kind of retarded classification system is this?

lessons learnt

sometimes you lose perspective of what's going on, and you lose control of yourself within the situation.

i guess the remedy is to step back from time to time and assess the situation. speaking strictly for myself, i realize that in the past, i've always become too content or caught up in the situation to actually do that. and that, always leads to an ending that leaves more to be desired.

so step back, look around, and i might be alright afterall.

*

i'm such a fucking girl.

i'm useless.

MOFO

with the help of EvilFriend, i conducted an experiment, codename MOFO.

MOFO stands for Making Other Friends Online.

i decided that asian avenue would be the first trial. i randomly searched for a girl, then with the help of EvilFriend, came up with a short note that EvilFriend was confident would get a reply. the note is as follows.

hey cutie.... wow i really think you are HOT!
do you chat online sometime? my AIM is fishballerz and Yahoo is fishballer. we could chat little bit if you dont mind.

i'm ed, by the way.

let's sit back and see where this goes.